Little Lies Fiction

Big Stories in Bits, Bites & Chunks

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Adventures of Catbaby

there_yet

Season 1 • Episode 3 • Are we there yet?

It’s Catbaby here, superhero-in-training. As you may remember from last week, we were just about ready to head for grandmama and grandpapa’s house

The Prius was loaded. All the diaper changing, and baby-butt decontamination supplies were aboard. So were the usual bribes — books, musical toys, stuffed animals, nunchucks, and sugary snacks — Ok, I’m just kidding about the nunchucks…I’m not quite ready for martial arts weapons…me trying to feed myself with a spoon is still a hit and miss proposition.

I’m just chilling in my car seat while mom and dad are in the front going over their checklist. Dad, forgetting something, groans, gets out and heads back to the house. When he reaches the porch, Boris the cat (my wannabe ninja sidekick) springs from the hedges, and clamps onto his ankles. Dad screams, spins around, and River Dances off the edge of the porch, while Boris ejects himself, and hightails it back to the bushes.

Eventually, dad limps back to the car and says “Got it.” and hands me my iPad mini.

In my sweetest voice that’s surely kryptonite to a diabetic, I say, “tank ooh dada”

Dad replies, “You’re welcome sweetie.” Then he looks over at mom and gloats, “Did you hear that dear…a complete three-word phrase, ending with daddy.” Mom pretends to ignore him and continues scrolling through her Pinterest pages. When dad begins whistling a perky little tune — she’d had enough, “Yesterday, she told me ‘thank you mommy’ thirty-seven times, and only said daddy twice, once to Frankenstein (her dog), and the second time it was to a checker at Target…who happened to be a woman.

Dad stopped whistling, and I felt the car start to move. Before dad could get out of the drive, I had Shrek 2 cued up on my iPad. Giggling, I fast forward to my favorite scene where Shrek, Fiona, and the donkey are riding along in an ‘onion’ carriage when the donkey poses an important question…

I get mom and dad’s attention and say my first ever four-word phrase. Along with the donkey, We ask…

“Are we there yet?

snack2

I Remember

remembering2

He was stooped with age. His dark eyes fit a familiar face that wore a lost sheep look.

I caught his glance, we nodded… an old friend perhaps.

“Dinner’s ready,” a nurse says touching my shoulder. 

“May invite someone,” I ask.

”Of course, but who?” she wonders.

“Over there by that nurse,” I point. 

She looks…then gently squeezes my hand and tells me, “Sweetie, those are our reflections in the mirrored wall.” 

My confusion happens a lot they tell me. Memories slip away, mercifully forgotten before they’re missed. But for now, in this singular moment, I take solace, that at least in my heart…I still remember me.

(101words.org)

Adventures of Catbaby

cat_baby3

Season 1 • Episode 2 • The Trip

Waking up from a delicious, warm bottle of milk-induced stupor—I see my parents scurrying around throwing stuff in bags, and then tossing those bags in bigger bags. A large suitcase flies open, and thrown inside are all the bags, clothes, shoes, bottles, binkies, diapers, and wipes. Everything’s stacked precariously, like in a blindfolded game of Jenga. 

I can see they need my help, so, using my ninja skills, I start scaling the barred walls of my crib to save the day.

Mom screams, “Nooooo!…stop! you’ll break your neck.” I don’t mean to be patronizing, but bless her heart, she can be quite the drama queen. Silly mom, everyone knows, cats always land on their feet.

Mom now has her undivided attention on me, leaving the impossible task of closing the suitcase to dad — who never met a challenge he didn’t accept. 

“Time to get you dressed little girl…we’re going to visit grandmama and grandpapa,” she said, smiling as she scooped me up and headed for the changing table.

I’m thrilled with the thought of practicing my new found superpower; ‘extreme cuteness’, on the grandparents. It’s almost too easy. When I smile, they start cheering, and their cameras appear out of thin air…and if I giggle…whoa!…it’s party time; chicken nuggies and juice, fun and games, and unlimited story time 24/7.

I glance over at the bed and see a blur. Dad’s bouncing up and down on the lid of the suitcase like a crazed kangaroo — clothes, bags, bottles and baby powder are flying everywhere.

While mom buckles me into the car seat, dad comes out of the house carrying seven plastic sacks full of stuff, mumbling something about cheap latches on a broken suitcase.

Mom tells dad that we might as well make a day of it and visit all the grandparents.

Wow!…Score!…it’s baby Shangri-la!—and that’s when I metaphorically wet myself.

cookies_shangri

Adventures of Catbaby

 

bravely_whiskers

Season 1 • Episode 1 • The Arrival 

I love big people, they can be so cute. I remember when I first arrived. The bright lights, the welcome committee, with their green scrubs, the ear-to-ear smiles beneath their surgical masks — magical — I did think the slap on the butt was over-the-top, but bless their hearts, they get so emotional.

I’ve noticed that the world has a lot of problems that need fixing. That’s why I’m training to be a superhero/ninja; I’m Catbaby, but shhhhhhh…(picture me putting my finger to my lips) my real identity is a secret; That’s why I wear this disguise (see picture above).

Here’s a little background; I’m two feet nine inches tall, I weigh twenty-eight pounds, and I love cats, pups, soft rugs, binkies, blankies, and Goldfish crackers…just to name a few favs.

Of course, I  love my mom and dad — they can’t speak baby talk worth a crap, but they’re fun to watch… God bless ’em, they try real hard.

Whoops…uh…oh…my diaper’s full, and someone needs to be alerted. Which brings me to my first perfected superpower — a supersonic, blood-curdling, distress cry — It always brings ’em running.

Anyway, this whole superhero stuff is gonna take some time, and full disclosure; I’m still wobbling when I walk, so when I try to run, it’s just downright scary…so I’ll keep you updated.

Until next time, as always…Catbaby

PS – I now have an apprentice, a sidekick named Boris; He’s a very clever kitten who has been teaching me his ninja skills. (see picture below)

PPS. – On further observation, Boris’s ninja skills may just be flashes of insanity… I’m just saying.

boris_ninja

The Promise

sad_boy

A five-year-old boy, wearing clothes too small—sits on a chair fidgeting, clutching a paper sack containing everything he owns.

With a mighty whoosh, a billowing cape fills the doorway. A superhero enters and a social worker shows him the child’s file…filled with documented betrayals and innocence lost.

Walking over to him he knelt and put his hands on the boy’s shoulders. With a steely resolve he promised, “Son, no one will hurt you again. I’m your dad now.” Then he welcomed the boy into his arms with a kiss and a hug.

“Let’s go meet your mom, son—she’s a super woman,” he said with a wink. “She’s baking you some cookies.”

This is how I had always dreamed of finding a real mom and dad.
Turns out it wasn’t just a dream.

(101words.org)

The Write-in

 

kids

“All across America, voter turnout is at historic lows. I’m talking, staggering lows. Establishment candidates have managed to alienate almost every voter, across every gender and ethnicity… even white voters — a 35% turnout, it’s unbelievable! Back to you David.”

“OK—very illuminating, thank you, Melissa. Here’s a side note to today’s election coverage. A fifth grade class from Wapakoneta, Ohio created a viral firestorm by nominating their teacher, Patricia Garcia, a single mother of two as a write-in candidate for President.” Their social experiment blew up on Twitter and Facebook over the last couple of days and the public at large has responded favorably…excuse me…

I’ve just been handed some Breaking News—ok—It seems, with 75% of all precincts reporting, Patricia Garcia, a six-time-teacher-of-the-year is currently pulling ahead of both establishment party candidates with 52% of the vote…Now that’s what I call some good, *bleep* *bleep* change you can believe in!”

It Was Beautiful

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Fluffing his feathers as he took off, flakes swirled, soaring upward. His wings, following this well-traveled path, cut through the air with long, steady strokes.

Banking right, he flew due south, racing the gathering storm. Clusters of icy snowflakes slowed his pace.

He scanned the snow-patched ground, and there, in the distance, a familiar view.

Beyond the blue ribbon of river, just over the treetops…he was almost there.

Crouched beneath the trees, a camouflaged man heard a honking. A lone gander approached—tracking it, he sprang up, aimed and fired a ten-shot burst with his SLR.

It was beautiful.

(101words.org)

CarPool

carpool3

The car was full before Mike slid in, hip-checked Tom, and said, “When did you start wearing horseshit for deodorant?”

“Screw you!” Tom spat back, “Maybe you should dial back on the donuts, blimp boy.”

“Move your ass out of my face,” a muffled voice screamed.

Rolling to a stop the driver erupted, “Everybody shut the hell up, and get out!”

An avalanche of clowns began piling out, pushing, shoving, and slapping as the Big Top roared with laughter.

A vicious clown brawl ensued, but the people in the stands couldn’t tell…

It seems clowns paint their smiles on for a reason.

(101words.org)

Eighth Day

creation

On the eighth day, the Creator danced with joy, delighting in His wondrous handiwork.

Rays of sunlight, wrapped in a cerulean-hued sky, surround and comfort all living things.

Mankind flourishes, pure and innocent; A precocious masterpiece.

Always there, She appears and stares awestruck.

“Look at everything!” He says, running to Her side pointing out to the heavens.

“A glorious first creation,” She says, marveling at the dazzling blue orb, spinning in its celestial home.

“Mankind will need your grace, they’ll love you, yet sometimes break your heart. You’ll understand this someday child — but for now, it’s your bedtime.”

(101words.org)

Just Coffee

coffee

I felt zombie-like, practically sleepwalking through the airport.

My odyssey had three weather delays and two re-routes. I was booked on the red-eye in an hour and needed a cup of coffee—bad.

“What can I get you, sir?”

“Coffee, please.”

“Latte, Frappuccino, Expresso, Iced…”

“Just coffee.”

“Regular or decaffeinated?”

“Regular…just black.”

“Very good: ‘Lighty Brighty,’ ‘Roasty Toasty,’ or ‘Lava Java’?”

“Uh… we’re still talking coffee…right?”

“Of course sir.”

“I’ll try the Roasty Toasty. Extra large.”

“Awesome choice.”

Glancing up, I saw ‘Delayed’ pop up next to my flight.

Handing me the coffee, “That’ll be fourteen dollars, sir.”

With a disappearing smile…“Of course, it will.”

(101words.org)

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